


A Sight You've Never Seen Before

by SunshineHaru (orphan_account)



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Depressed Nanase Haruka, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Free! - Freeform, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Sad Nanase Haruka, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-06 05:52:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16826452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/SunshineHaru
Summary: “I win. This means I’ll never swim with you again.”The words pierced through his heart like a dagger. His eyes widened in disbelief as he sucked in a breath of air.They repeated in his head over and over again, wreaking havoc in his mind as if they were a tornado out of control.“Never.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Self-Harm / Depressing Thoughts
> 
> !!! DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THESE THINGS !!!

_**“I win. This means I’ll never swim with you again.”**_

The words pierced through his heart like a dagger. His eyes widened in disbelief as he sucked in a breath of air.

They repeated in his head over and over again, wreaking havoc in his mind as if they were a tornado out of control. 

_**“Never.”** _

He watched as a sly grin appeared on Rin’s face. He watched as his childhood best friend turned away from him and faded into nothing but shadows.

He remembered the day Rin left Iwatobi for Australia. He remembered the day he thought he would never see him again. 

His heart yearned to feel the adrenaline rush through his body whenever he raced with Rin. He longed so much to finally experience the sight he had never seen before again. He wanted things to be normal again. 

And yet all of that hope, accumulated over countless years, had instantly been broken in a mere moment.

He felt as if his whole world was crashing around him.

\-----

Makoto watched as Rin turned his back and walked away from Haru. He saw the desolate dullness in Haru’s usually shimmering eyes, a change that only he could notice. He saw the hopelessness that had been flashed across his friend’s face, and in that instant, all he could think of was running down to help him.

He extended an arm to Haru, a habit that the two of them shared. He smiled the most reassuring smile he could, trying not to notice the hollowness in Haru’s deep azure eyes. He watched as Haru hesitantly grabbed onto his arm, his grip significantly weaker than what Makoto was used to. 

“Come on Haru, let’s get you dried off.” Makoto said, flashing one of his signature smiles. Yet, he could not help but notice the slight frown tugging on the edges of Haru’s mouth.

\-----

Haru didn’t speak a single word on the walk back home. All he did was stare into the distance, seemingly distracted by his surroundings.

**_“Never.”_ **

The words echoed throughout his brain, taking over all his other thoughts. He didn’t even seem to notice how terribly worried Makoto was for him.

After what seemed like forever, they finally reached the steps to their houses.

“See you tomorrow, Haru-chan!” Makoto said, waving at Haru with a smile plastered on his face. 

Haru didn’t even look back, and hardly even noticed the honorific that he hated ever so much for Makoto to use. 

He opened the door to his empty house, and trudged in without even bothering to lock it.

His feet brought him to the bathtub, where he immediately stripped himself down to his swimming trunks, and prepared to lower himself into the lukewarm water. 

He had always loved the water. Whenever he was in it, he felt as if he was free, free from all the troubles of the world ― he was unstoppable. And yet, memories of what had happened only a few hours earlier rushed into his head the moment he entered the bathtub.

He shook his head, trying to clear it of the thoughts that were constantly bombarding his mind, but they refused to leave.

_**“It was all your fault, if you cared about Rin’s feelings during that race in middle school, this never would have happened”**_

_**“If you had won that race at the prefectures, Rin never would’ve said that to you”**_

_**“You think you’re unstoppable in water? Well guess what? Rin beat you and now you’ll never swim with him again”**_

That last thought was the one that got to him the most. He had never properly processed what Rin said to him, never really considered what it would mean. It was only then when the realisation dawned on him that he would never be able to talk to Rin again. He would never be able to compete with Rin again. He would never be able to swim with Rin again.

But most importantly, he would never see that sight again.

And it was all his fault.  


Suddenly, he felt the strong urge to get out of the water as soon as possible. He didn’t deserve to sink into its comforting grip. He didn’t deserve to be friends with the water. He didn’t deserve to be a swimmer. 

He stood up and climbed out of the bathtub, wrapped a towel around his body, and was about to leave the bathroom, when he spotted something in the shelf under the mirror.

A box of razors, shining and glistening under the hard white light of the bathroom. 

Without hesitation, he grabbed the box and opened it, revealing metal razors that were as sharp as ever. 

He yearned for something he could do to break free from the prison that were his thoughts, trapping him as a prisoner in his own head. He wanted to be able to control something for once, to feel more than the emptiness in his heart. 

He took the razor, and slid it smoothly across the pale skin of his wrist.

He watched as the sharp edge of metal created a rift across his skin, as beads of blood formed along the river-like cut and gushed out, dripping slowly onto the snow white tiles of his bathroom.

He took in the sight, crimson red blood contrasted with his pale skin ― it was beautiful. 

He wanted more. More pain that he could control. He wanted to see more of the liquid that pumped through his system, kept him alive. 

He slid the knife across his wrist again. 

Once, twice, thrice, till his entire forearm was covered in slits, scarlet blood trickling onto the floor.

He looked at the work of art that he had created. 

And finally, he was satisfied.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Self-Harm / Depressing Thoughts
> 
> !!! DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THESE THINGS !!!

Makoto tossed and turned in his bed. He couldn’t help but worry for Haru. He knew how much Haru looked forward to finally competing with Rin again, and how glad he was when he found out that Rin had come back. Now that Rin had beaten Haru, and even vowed to never swim with him again, he could only imagine the sorrow and sadness that Haru would be feeling right now. 

He decided to go and look for Haru. 

\-----

Haru looked once more at the bathroom floor, ensuring that he didn’t leave a spot of blood uncleaned. He knew that Makoto would come sooner or later, and he needed to make sure that Makoto wouldn’t find out about what he had done. He had carefully disinfected and bandaged his skin ― an infection was the last thing he needed. No one needed to find out about his coping mechanisms. It wasn’t like they cared anyway. Even if they did, he didn’t deserve their worry. He didn’t deserve anything at all. 

With that, he dragged his feet to his bed and slid under the covers, resting his heavy head on the pillow. He closed his eyes, trying to force all the negative thoughts out of his mind, but to no avail. Eventually, he gave in to his fate of a sleepless night, and decided to let the tears that he had been trying so hard to control, stain his face. 

A few minutes later, he heard someone enter his house.

“Haru-chan, where are you? I’m Makoto,” the voice that he was so very familiar with echoed throughout the house. 

Haru stirred in his bed. He decided that it would simply be easier to pretend that he had already fallen asleep. He was already a burden to Makoto, to his team, to Rin. He didn’t want them to waste more effort worrying about him, he just wasn’t worth it. 

He was nothing. 

\-----

Makoto entered the pitch dark house. He was surprised to find out that the house was completely silent. He would’ve thought that Haru would be taking a bath. However, the eerie silence worried him even more ― what if Haru had done something silly? He shook his head just at the thought of that. Haru was strong. 

He would never think of doing anything like that. 

Right?

As he made his way up the creaking wooden stairs, he spotted a figure lying under a pile of blankets on Haru’s bed. He saw the signature black bangs messily covering the figure’s forehead, and instantly knew that it was Haru. In that moment, all of his worries faded away, replaced by a small smile which had appeared on his face. 

Haru was fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a really short chapter but I'm posting the next one today as well so look out for that!


	3. Chapter 3

_“The water is alive. Once you dive in, it will immediately bare its fangs and attack. But, there's nothing to fear. Don't resist the water. Thrust your fingers into the surface and carve an opening. Then you slide your body through that opening. Moving your arms, your head, your chest..."_

_He had touched the wall just moments before Rin did._

_He had won only by a few seconds._

_And yet, in those few seconds, so much damage had been done._

_He watched as Rin rejected the hand that was stretched out just for him._

_He watched as Rin turned his back and ran away from him._

_He watched as Rin yelled with tear glazed eyes, the three words that he would never forget._

_“I quit swimming”_

Haru woke up with a jolt. His hair was damp and his face covered in cold sweat. He glanced at the alarm clock on his bedside table. “2:05am”, it read. 

Memories of his nightmare rushed into his head. 

Why couldn’t he have been more sensitive to Rin’s feelings back then? Why did he care so much about proving that he could swim fast? 

If only he were better. More patient. More understanding. Maybe Rin wouldn’t have said those words to him. Maybe Rin would still be his best friend. Maybe he would finally see that sight again.

It was all his fault. 

His gaze fell on the photograph frame beside him. It was a family portrait, one with his mother, father, and him. He remembered the days when his home was warm and cozy, filled with the fragrant scent of his mother’s cooking. Unlike now, a cold and dark place filled with nothing but shadows. 

Was that why his family had left him too? 

If he had been more affectionate, more filial, would his parents have stayed behind?

Would he still have a loving family to come back to everyday?

Why did he have to be so incompetent? So annoying? So useless?

He craved again for that pain that he could control. It was the only thing he was good at anyway. He dragged himself into the bathroom, where his most precious possession lied.

He took out, once again, the razor that reflected the white light of the bathroom, a beacon in the house enveloped by darkness. 

Slowly, gently, he removed the bandages that wrapped around his wrist. Pale white lines covered the entire of his forearm. He realised that there was no space for more cuts to go. 

Beautiful works of art shouldn’t be confined to such a small area. 

His eyes unknowingly shifted to look at his legs, as he placed the knife right above his knee, letting it rest cooly against his hot skin. He could almost feel the blood pulsing through his veins, impatient to be let out and to be let free. Without further hesitation, he drew the knife along his upper thigh. A long gash, about 5 inches, stretched from his knee to his hip. 

He watched as the crimson red blood gushed out of his wound, forming a small pool beneath his thigh. He relished in the almost hypnotising feeling, his heart free from all the troubles and worries of life.

\-----

A few weeks had passed, and this had eventually become a habit for Haru. He would lie in bed the whole day, and cut in the evening. He knew that this was only a temporary solution, but it didn’t help that he had recurring nightmares every night. He tried so hard to convince himself that he didn’t need to cut, but it was his only outlet for all of the thoughts crowding his mind. Makoto had come by almost every week, but Haru had kept the door locked. He didn’t want to burden his friend with all of his own problems. Unfortunately, the holidays were coming to an end, and school would begin soon. He knew that he would have a hard time keeping all of his scars and cuts away from his teammates, especially Makoto, and even more so since he was in the swimming club.

He walked to the bathroom, and took a good look at himself in the mirror ― he had been avoiding looking at his reflection. It served as nothing but a constant reminder of how useless he was; how broken he was. He looked at the prominent rib cage on his chest, jutting out from under his skin. He hadn’t been eating much for the past few weeks, he just didn’t have the appetite to do so. As much as he liked mackerel, he just couldn’t bring himself to eat it without gagging. He slid his hand over his body, what used to be covered in toned muscle was now nothing but skin and bones. It irked him to look at the V-shape of his pelvis, extending from his hips to his thigh. 

He was disgusting.

But then again, when had he not been? 

He decided to go outside for a walk ― something he had not done since the prefectural tournament. He knew that he would have to face reality sooner or later, and if going outside would ease his transition, he wouldn’t mind. He would do anything to get rid of the echoing voice in his head, telling him that he was useless, that he was nothing. 

He grabbed his favourite shirt, indistinguishable from the rest, just like his countless pairs of swimming trunks, and tugged it over his head. As expected, the shirt hung loosely from his new frame. It wasn’t like he cared about what people thought about him anyway, no one would even bother to look at the mess that he was. 

He walked along the same path that Makoto and him would come back home from school on. He leaned into the cool summer breeze that messed up his jet black fringe. He hadn’t felt so peaceful in a long time, with the exception of when he was cutting. It was as if the wind took all of his worries away from him. He turned towards the beach, breathing in the smell of the ocean. 

All of a sudden, the tranquil vibes of his surroundings were broken by a loud shout from a familiar voice.

“Haru-chan!” 

Haru turned his head to the source of the voice. Of course, it was none other than Makoto. Haru went over all of the possible scenarios in his head; if he continued standing there, Makoto would surely pressure him into talking about what was wrong ― he didn’t want that at all; on the other hand, if he ran away, he would be able to avoid Makoto, but it would also require so much more effort, and he wasn’t one who enjoyed putting in effort at all. 

After weighing all of the pros and cons, he decided to run. He didn’t need Makoto on his trail, and didn’t deserve being worried about anyway. He was so worthless, and he would just be a dead weight to Makoto. He took off as fast as he could, even though he hated running.

He watched as the scenery around him passed by in a flash. His legs were sore and stiff, due to his lack of exercise over the past month, and his stamina had also gradually decreased. He panted as hard as he could, trying to take the much needed oxygen into his lungs as fast as possible. He could almost imagine Makoto right behind him, about to grab onto his shirt and catch him. Pressing him for answers that he didn’t know. He knew that he would have to quicken his pace in order to get further ahead. 

He could hear the “thump, thump, thump” of Makoto’s shoes hitting the ground, chasing after him. His heart skipped a beat. 

He was going to get caught. 

He felt the negative thoughts rushing back into his head. 

“You can’t outrun him, you can’t outrun anyone. You’re a good for nothing. You’re useless.”

“You made Makoto worry so much about you, how selfish. Once he finds out what you did, he’ll be mad at you and leave you just like everyone else did.”

“Why do you bother with anything? No matter how fast you run, you’ll never be able to escape the fact that you’re disgusting, ugly, and worthless.”

His head felt heavy, as if the world was spinning around him. 

“No, no, that’s not true, none of it is true,” he muttered to himself frantically, trying to stay calm. 

His legs felt as if they were held in place. 

He couldn’t stop now. He had to keep running. He had to keep going. 

He felt his knees buckle under him as the world tilted. Black dots danced around his vision as he tried to steady himself. He willed himself to stand up, keep running, but he just couldn’t. 

He felt the world closing on around him, darkness enveloping him.

The last thing he heard was a scream for his name, and his eyelids fluttered close, plunging him into the shadows below.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to post yesterday OOPS also sorry for this shitty chapter I have writer's block now so I can't write properly but HOPEFULLY it'll go away soon


	4. Chapter 4

“Ran, Ren, I’m going to the supermarket to get some groceries, do you guys want anything?” Makoto asked, a grin plastered across his face. 

“Candy! And chocolate!” the two siblings yelled in unison.

“All right, I’ll be back soon. Don’t make a mess of the house while I’m gone!” Makoto said as he gently ruffled his brother’s and sister’s hair.  
Makoto whistled as he skipped towards the grocery store. The weather today was perfect for a stroll ― the sun was up, its shimmering rays falling onto the ground below, warming up the whole town. His parents had left a few days ago for a business trip, leaving him in charge of all of the housework, as well as the preparation of meals for his two younger siblings. 

As he walked towards the store, he took in the scenery around him. The fresh smell of the beach hit him, allowing him to feel refreshed and at peace. He took a glance at the path along the beach ― it was the same one that he and Haru would take when they walked home from school. 

His heart sank at the thought of Haru. Ever since that day at prefectures, Haru hadn’t been acting the same. In the beginning, he thought Haru was fine after seeing him sound asleep, but he was clearly wrong. Haru had locked the door to his house from that day onwards, and never let Makoto in even after he knocked and yelled that it was him. He had never seen anything like this happen to his best friend before. He sincerely hoped that Haru was okay, even though there was a heavy weight tugging on his heart that he knew Haru wasn’t fine. 

He was far from fine. 

The Haru he knew would never give up an opportunity to swim ― it was summer, and yet Haru had barely left his house. The Haru he knew would never deny Makoto at the door, would never remain so uncontactable for so many days. He let out a heavy sigh. What was wrong with Haru? 

As if Haru had heard his thoughts, he spotted a familiar figure walking along that same path he was staring at. The same raven hair, the same stride length. It was definitely Haru. 

“Haru-chan!” he yelled as loud as he could at the figure standing just a few metres away from him, hoping to confirm his suspicions. He watched as the raven-haired teen turned around, seemingly shocked at the voice calling for him. There was something different about Haru, however. The usual shimmer in his deep azure eyes was gone, replaced with nothing but dullness and emptiness. A deep frown tugged at the corners of his chapped, pale lips. His shirt no longer fit well on his muscle-toned shoulders. Instead, it hung loosely from his arms, his frame significantly smaller than what it used to be. At the sight of Makoto, Haru’s mouth opened, and hung agape. His eyes widened, and Makoto watched as a shocked expression slowly crept onto his face. Suddenly, in the blink of an eye, Haru turned on his heel, and ran as fast as he could in the opposite direction of the olive green haired-teen. 

Taking a long time to process what had just happened, Makoto forced himself to snap back into reality. He had finally seen Haru after almost a whole month, and now he knew that there was most definitely something wrong with the boy. He had already changed so much. Without further hesitation, Makoto ran as fast as he could after Haru, hoping to be able to find out what exactly was the problem with him. 

As he ran after Haru, he realised that the shorter teen seemed to be having difficulty keeping up with a fast pace ― he had been running slower than usual (even though he didn’t run that fast to begin with). However, he realised that this could be better for the both of them, as it meant that Makoto would be able to catch up to him faster, and hopefully get to the bottom of what was bothering Haru so much. With those thoughts in mind, Makoto picked up his pace and increased his stride. Before long, he was almost just inches away from Haru. Now that he was nearer to the boy, he noticed that he was actually panting heavily, his chest heaving up and down. It seemed as if the stamina that Haru had worked so hard to increase through swimming had worn down after just a few weeks. Haru seemed to realise that Makoto was hot on his trail, and tried to run faster. However, it was as if he had little energy to spare ― his speed hardly increased at all. 

All of a sudden, Haru stopped in the middle of his tracks, and fell to his knees. Makoto watched in horror as the boy fell backwards onto the concrete path, flickering in between consciousness and unconsciousness. He watched as Haru’s eyes rolled to the back of his head, his eyelids falling slowly to cover the once-bright eyes. 

Rushing forward to his fallen friend, Makoto immediately knelt by his side and shook Haru. 

“Haru, Haru-chan, wake up Haru-chan!” he frantically yelled at the boy, anxiousness filling his voice. 

When he saw that there was no response from Haru at all, he was at a loss for what to do. The nearest hopsitals in town were at least a couple kilometers away, over the mountains, and they would have to wait for the ambulances for God knows how long. He knew that he would have to take matters into his own hands, especially if it concerned his best friend. 

Hurriedly, he picked up Haru, noticing that he was as light as a feather, no longer bulked up with the muscles he had gained through the years of swim training. What had happened to Haru that would cause such a drastic change? Panic filled his eyes as all the possible scenarios ran through his mind. 

He shook his head of those thoughts. What mattered now wasn’t all that ― it was that he had to make sure Haru was okay, and that he was safe. 

With the knocked out boy in his hands, Makoto quickly made his way back to his home, hoping to get a good look at what had happened to him. 

He knew that something serious had happened to Haru, considering that so much had happened only after a month, and he needed to get rid of it quick. 

He didn’t want to stand there helplessly while his friend of so many years crumbled before his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! I'm really sorry for the late update, I didn't have much inspiration this past week. This was more of a filler chapter while I think more about how I want the story to go on. Thank you so much for the kudos and comments! They really encouraged me to continue writing when I was unsure of whether I wanted to abandon this story. I'll be going on holiday for the next week or so but I'll be bringing my laptop along so hopefully I'll be able to update this story soon!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5th chapter is finally up! I'm so sorry for the delays in uploading. I couldn't find much time in between my vacation to continue writing. School is also starting again soon so that sucks, but hopefully I'll be able to continue uploading more consistently! Thank you so much for the encouraging comments, they really helped to brighten up my day. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Haru opened his eyes slowly, blinking a few times to clear his vision. Where was he? Groggily, he pushed himself up from the bed, trying to sit himself up. How did he get here? He started to scan his surroundings for a clue, when all of a sudden a sharp pain tore through his head. It felt as if a sledgehammer had crashed into the side of his head, shattering his skull and everything in it. Grimacing in pain, he brought his hands up to his head, cupping it with his palms in an attempt to lighten the discomfort. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to will away the pain, but to no avail. Sighing in exasperation, he decided to focus on the more important question.

Where was he?

This didn't look like his home at all. It was painted in bright, vibrant colors, and was well lighted by the numerous lamps throughout the room ― it was almost the complete opposite of his own room, which was instead covered in shadows and dark, dull paint. He couldn’t help but shield his eyes away from the bright lights. They were too much for him.

He tried to recall what had happened earlier that could have possibly led to him waking up here. The more he tried to remember, however, the more his head hurt. The only thing he could make out was a foggy, distant memory of a tall figure, with broad shoulders and olive-green hair. 

Makoto. 

He had seen Makoto. 

The memories came rushing back into his head. 

He was in Makoto’s house. 

He was in Makoto’s room. 

He felt the panic rise in his chest as he realised what he had gotten himself into. He never should've left the house! Now it was all too late. Makoto would find out about the cuts along his arms and legs. Makoto would see how ugly and disgusting he was; heck, he had already seen it. He felt his breath get caught up in his throat. He needed to get out of there quick. 

He scrambled as quickly as he could out from under the covers, trying to regain his balance as he lifted himself up from the bed. 

All of a sudden, he felt as if he couldn't breathe. The air just refused to enter his lungs. Panting hard and heavily, he felt hot tears rush from his eyes as he thought of what Makoto would think of him. He hugged his knees close to his chest. Makoto would be disgusted at him. He buried his face in the crook of his scar-littered legs. Makoto would stop talking to him. He opened his mouth, trying to take in the much needed oxygen, but couldn't. Makoto would leave him. 

They would all leave him in the end. 

They would all leave him in the end. 

They would all leave him in the end.

He would be all alone in the end. 

He heard the door leading into the room open. 

“Haru-chan, are you awake?” the voice that he would normally have been so excited to hear suddenly filled his heart with fear.

He felt a sob get choked up in his throat, his breathing erratic and irregular. He couldn’t breathe. In a frenzy, confused, tired and afraid, he started to rock himself as he hugged his knees tighter to his chest. Makoto couldn’t find out about what he had become. He just couldn’t.

\-----

Makoto heard some sounds coming from his room as he continued to stir the chicken stew over the stove. Was Haru finally awake?

Hurriedly, he turned off the stove and quickly made his way to the room. He was impatient to find out what had caused his best friend to change so drastically, and in the span of only a month. After all, Haru was his closest friend ― he was basically family to him. Watching him turn into a shell of who he was just a few weeks ago was the most painful thing he had to go through. He wanted him to be normal again. 

He wanted his Haru-chan back. 

Opening the door slowly, Makoto entered the room, afraid to disturb Haru if he was still asleep. 

“Haru-chan, are you awake?” he said in a voice so soft that it was almost a whisper. 

As he turned the corner, his face was contorted into one of shock and confusion.

Haru was sitting on the bed, hugging his knees to his chest tightly. Makoto looked on in horror as he watched Haru’s chest heave with every breath he took. All of a sudden, Haru started to hyperventilate. His breathing became sporadic, as if he couldn’t take in the air. He began to rock back and forth on his toes, as he hugged his knees closer. Makoto could see as hot tears gushed out of Haru’s azure orbs, soaked up by the sheets beneath him. He heard a choked sob rise from Haru’s throat as he struggled to breathe normally.

Panicking, Makoto rushed over to Haru’s side. 

Unsure of what to do, Makoto gently placed a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to calm him down. However, Haru immediately jerked away upon contact, his eyes widening in fear, and his breathing just became even more erratic. 

“It’s okay Haru, I won’t hurt you. Just try to breathe slowly. Copy my breaths, okay? In, and out. In, and out.” Makoto whispered gently into Haru’s ear as he stroked Haru’s back gently.

Slowly but surely, Haru began to calm down as he started to mimic Makoto’s breathing patterns. Once Makoto saw that Haru was no longer as worked up as before, he immediately wrapped up Haru in a tight embrace. Tired from all the recent events, Haru leaned his heavy head on Makoto’s shoulder, and leaned into his touch. He knew that it was the last time Makoto would ever want to be so close to him. He knew that it was the last time Makoto would even see him as a friend. 

Sliding his hand up and down Haru’s back slowly, Makoto whispered gentle, reassuring words into his ears. But all Haru could hear was the tormenting voice, telling him over and over again, that he did not deserve Makoto. He did not deserve to feel Makoto’s hot breath against his ears, cold as ice and too used to the wicked words of the world. He did not deserve the sympathy that Makoto had shown him. 

With all those thoughts in mind, he pulled away from Makoto’s strong, comforting grip. 

He just didn’t deserve it. 

Sensing Haru’s apprehensiveness with the situation, Makoto let him pull away. After all, Haru had been his friend for so many years, and he didn’t want to push the boy into doing something that he was not comfortable with. 

But not before he noticed the bandages that adorned all four of his limbs. 

Worry mixed with tears stained his eyes as he scanned over the countless white plasters that had been carefully placed on Haru’s forearm and legs. It almost looked as if they belonged on his pallid skin. 

As if Haru had noticed Makoto’s worried expression as he continued to stare at the dressing that lined all over his limbs, he immediately hid his arms behind his back and crossed his legs to keep them out of sight. 

He panicked. 

This was the end. Makoto would find out about the cuts, and he would never want to be associated with him again. It was all over.

He felt hot tears rush to his eyes as he choked on a sob. He had to stay calm. Maybe if he pretended everything was fine, Makoto would not notice. Maybe Makoto wasn’t actually looking at his arms and was just distracted by something else. Yes, that must be it. 

“Haru-chan, why do you have so many bandages? Did something happen?” Makoto asked, much to the horror of Haru. 

In an instant, he knew that it was all over. The wall that he had tried so hard to build up was about to be torn down in a mere moment. Makoto would leave him. Everyone would leave him.

“I accidentally fell down the stairs in my house a couple days ago,” Haru lied, his teeth gritted, trying to suppress the tears that were on the verge of falling. 

“Haru, are you lying? All I want to do is help you. Just let me see how bad the injuries are,” Makoto replied, his voice clearly tainted with worry. He hoped what Haru said was the truth, even though there was a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that he knew that there was more than what met the eye. 

Haru turned his head and looked away from Makoto’s eyes. 

“I’m not lying,” he replied, in a last ditch attempt to save himself from Makoto’s scrutiny.

“If you aren’t, then show me your injuries. Help me to confirm that you are fine and that you’re not doing what I think you are,” Makoto said as he gently placed both hands on Haru’s shoulders. He wanted to make sure his friend was okay, even if it meant going out of his comfort zone. 

Screw comfort zones ― Haru’s life was at stake here. 

Little did he know, that those few sentences had broken down the walls of the dam that Haru had struggled to build for so long. Those few words had undone what weeks had taken to construct. He watched as tears gushed out of Haru’s eyes like a waterfall after a heavy storm. He watched as Haru thrashed his heavy head up and down as he tried to stop the sobs that escaped from his throat. He watched as his friend broke down right in front of him, changing from a cold, uncaring face that was seemingly made of stone, to one that was filled to the brim with sorrow; one that was broken. 

Giving up all hope of being able to escape Makoto, Haru let his arms lay limp on the soft sheets beneath him. He already knew that Makoto would leave him sooner or later, and nothing would be able to keep him. He watched with tear-stained eyes as Makoto picked up his arm and gently took out the bandages, unveiling the horror below. Pale lines that stretched all across his forearm, countless cuts littering his skin. He watched as the shock creeped up Makoto’s face, a deep frown tugging on the corners of his mouth. He watched as Makoto’s eyebrows furrowed into the shape of an upside down ‘v’, as concern flooded his entire face. He watched as Makoto slowly turned his head, olive-green eyes looking into dull blue ones. 

This was the end. Makoto would leave him now, and never come back.


End file.
